So a little over a month ago Katrina and I went through a difficult situation in our marriage. I won't go too into detail, but I will say that it changed my life and my perspective on life.

I did a lot of praying and a lot of evaluating who I am and what's important. Basically, my conclusion was the same thing I'd been hearing my whole life: God must come first! Duh, right?! Well, I guess I'm a little thick

I read the Bible a lot and I also read the book Love & Respect (loveandrespect.com). We are also doing The Love Dare (thelovedarebook.com). Basically, what I learned was that Katrina needs love and I need respect (see Eph 5:33). Katrina and I spent a lot of time on the "Crazy Cycle" (see animation below).

The big problem was that she was spending a lot of time trying to love me and I was spending a lot of time working on respecting her. This is backwards! Once I figured this out, I began to try to figure out how to love my wife. And it turns out it's not that hard!

I know all you guys out there are thinking, "well, go ahead ... tell me how!" That's actually a hard question because every woman is different. For Katrina (and as the Bible states), its mostly a matter of putting her needs before mine. This includes emotional needs like allowing her to share anything with me and me just listening. Also, her mental needs, like the need to go out with the girls once in a while and take a break from being only Mommy and wife. And of course, her physical needs must be met; things like giving her a foot massage now and then (guys, this is easy and can be done while watching TV. Try it!) and playing with her hair (Katrina loves this!)—ok, I realize these aren't necessarily "needs," but I think these strong desires tie in to her emotional needs and speak love to her, which is a need.

The greatest part about loving Katrina is that she automatically loves me back. She tries really hard to unconditionally respect me, as well, and that doesn't come naturally for her. I am so honored and blessed to be married to a woman who loves me so much that she is willing to make many sacrifices to make me happy.

God knew exactly what He was doing when He matched Katrina and I. We are so different, but God has allowed us to show each other how we can be better. Hard times suck ... but I am who I am because of those hard times and I would never trade them for the ignorance that I used to have. Katrina and I have the opportunity to renew our vows this Sunday and this time, my plan is to not break them. With God's help, I know this is possible. As you think of us, please pray for us.

Until next time,
Lance